That Tricky Tricky Comfort Zone…Time to Break Out

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The comfort zone. It’s a beautiful place, isn’t it? You feel great, there’s minimal or no pain, you know what to expect, you breathe easy. But the problem is it’s also the place where you don’t grow. You don’t become any better and truth be told – it can get a little boring if we’re being honest.

That constant tug of war: I want to be comfortable (it’s nice, it’s cozy, I feel safe) but at the same time I don’t want to get too comfortable (because I know I won’t become the best that I can be). It’s a tricky battle this one. On some level you long for the security and constant of the comfort zone, but on another level you know you want excitement, challenge and adventure – which means you have to break out of your comfort bubble. Nothing exciting happens in there. Nothing. You know exactly what happens in there, which means there’s no risk, which means it’s not exciting.

There real truth of it is we’re not ever supposed to feel that comfortable here. This (the earth – wherever you happen to live on it) is not home. It’s temporary; it won’t last. Heaven is our home and until we’re there, we’ll never fit in perfectly and we’ll never be perfectly comfortable.

“But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Saviour from there, the Lord Jesus Christ…”

~Philippians 3:20~

I have to remind myself of this truth sometimes when I’m feeling overwhelmed and longing for steadiness; a constant; my comfort zone. The only constant is change – cliche or not it’s just the truth. And wouldn’t your life be pretty boring without it? I know deep down that I have the amazing life I do because at each step of the way I found a way to embrace change. To roll with it. To adapt. And when I did that? – I grew. I learned and I became better in some way.

Most of the time change is not easy. It’s a natural human tendency to run for that comfort zone and hunker down, but if you can resist the urge and force yourself to step out into the unknown you open yourself up for whole lot of amazing experiences. You also open yourself up for hurt, I’m not overlooking that. But even in those situations you’re still growing; you’re still learning and becoming better. You can’t avoid hurt even in your comfort zone, but you will lose out on the possible joy that is just outside of that bubble if you give into your ‘hunker down’ human self.

I feel like I’m out of my comfort zone in most areas of my life right now…

I have to send my little boy to school every day and trust other people to keep him safe and trust that he will do well.

I have to leave my second little boy at home in the care of someone else (who is amazing, but who is not me). 

I have to constantly be learning and changing and adapting the way I do things at work; looking for what works best.

I am pushing myself to get healthier – waking up before sunrise to get my workouts in (which believe me is WAY outside of my comfort zone!)

I am stretching myself as I get back into studying and finishing my school after about 6 years of no school – it’s an adjustment for sure! 

I am always trying to stretch and grow myself as a wife and as a mom so I can be the best I can at each of those roles without sacrificing the other. 

As challenging as some of those things are for me, I’m choosing to do them because I know they make me better. Now, don’t ask me how I feel about it at 5:50 am when my alarm goes off to workout. 😛

Hope you have a very uncomfortable day 😉

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Someone who wants to…

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“In the end there doesn’t have to be anyone who understands you…there just has to be someone who wants to.”
– Robert Brault

I came across this quote today on Pintrest and it really hit me. Realizing this small truth could save me hours of being angry, bitter, sad, misunderstood, lonely and a host of other similar emotions.

Sometimes I think we (I’m assuming it’s not just me, if only to make myself feel better about it) have extremely high, often unattainable expectations of our significant other or even other family members. I admit that I do. I’m letting HIM off the hook – officially – in writing! But it’s the truth. I have a wonderful husband who while not perfect of course, does an amazing job of loving me and TRYING to understand me. I admit that it’s not an easy task (to understand me) – most days I don’t even fully understand myself, so how can I expect him to? But I do. I have expected him to “just know.” To know what I want, what I am feeling, what I need – magically – without me saying a thing! How unrealistic when you think about it! He is multi-talented but he’s not a mind-reader. When I truthfully and honestly sit down and think about what I expect – most of the time that is it – I expect him to read my mind. No wonder I end up getting upset when he doesn’t know what to say because he doesn’t know why I’m upset because I won’t say anything because “HE SHOULD KNOW!” It sounds like complete foolishness! I’m setting him up to fail I’ve realized today.

While it’s true that we are from very different backgrounds (we’re about as different as you can get – black and white literally – HAHA, from across oceans, completely different cultures, etc.), the truth is no one – no matter how similar to you or how long they’ve known you or any amount of sensitivity they have – no one is a mind reader. No one will completely and without fault understand you at every moment of every day of your life. It’s just not realistic. So why do we put such crazy expectations on our partners? I think that the desire to be understood at least for women, is strongly connected to how we feel loved. We feel loved when we feel understood. When our partner takes the time to really understand our feelings, thoughts, dreams, fears. And this is not a bad thing to want! Not a bad thing for our hubby’s to aspire to 😉 – but at the same time we (I) need to realize that the real significance lies in him WANTING to understand me. He may not get it right all of the time – in fact he won’t – because he’s human. But the fact that I have someone who WANTS to understand me is what’s special. And that’s where the truth of this quote hit me. I have that! I have someone who does want to know me compeltely (good, bad and ugly) and wants to understand me, tries to understand me. And in the end, that really is what matters. So today instead of being angry or bitter or sad about what “he doesn’t get” I am choosing to be incredibly grateful for a man who loves me unconditionally and who WANTS to understand me and strives to do so every day. ❤

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