Chubby (and not loving it)

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[My adorable (and chubby) baby boy (6 weeks old).]

I wish I could be “chubby and loving it.”  Like a baby. (I think they’re the only ones who are truly chubby and loving it). I always say jokingly to my new little guy, “Rock the chubby look while it’s cute!” and there most definitely comes a time when chubby is just not cute at all. I am very far past the “chubby is cute” age. It’s LONG gone.  I cannot be chubby – and love it. It’s not happening.

I hate that word – “chubby.” It’s amazing how a word can be so cute when it’s said about a baby and so NOT cute when it’s said about anyone past the age of about six, really. Whatever you want to call it – chubby, fat, large, overweight, chunky (I hate all of these words by the way) – to put it nicely – I am not at my ideal weight. I don’t mean my ideal weight according to some height/weight chart or Hollywood’s version of my ideal weight, I mean the weight where I feel comfortable in my own skin. The weight where I’m able to be active and healthy and happy with my body. That’s the magic number I’m striving for. I don’t even know what it is (I have an estimate) but I’ll know it when I get there, that’s for sure.

Now that Gabriel is almost two months old, I’m really starting to feel the pressure and I am getting a bit anxious about shedding the final pregnancy weight (and some additional pounds after that) and finally getting to my goal. I know I can do it, but at the same time I haven’t gotten there yet and some days it can be discouraging. (Mostly those days when I’ve eaten everything in sight, I’m feeling disgusting and yet still choose to eat a chocolate bar anyways).  Nonetheless, I am trying to take it day by day and and focus on trying to be consistent and do the best I can, considering I don’t have much free time. 😉

As I was thinking about writing this blog; thinking about my body (I’ll admit, in mostly a negative way) I remembered reading something on another blog (which I now forget and so can’t give credit). She was talking about all the amazing things her body has done and I could relate, and when I thought about it and figured out just exactly what my body has been able to do, it changed my perspective.

So here are 10 amazing things this body of mine has done/does:

1.  This body carries me wherever I want to go. It is generally healthy and strong and let’s me accomplish all of my daily tasks (which are many, these days).

2. This body has been a home for a little, growing person- twice.

3. This body has delivered two beautiful, healthy baby boys.

4. This body is what I use to show affection and love – to my husband, my children, my family and friends. (I need to be thankful for seemingly small things like this as there are many people who’s bodies can’t do these ‘normal actions’ because of sickness, disease or accidents- hugs, kisses, handshakes, etc.)

5.  This body holds and comforts my babies.

6. This body houses my mind, my thoughts, my emotions – all of who I am.

7. This body allows me to serve and help others.

8. This body has provided approximately 2240 meals for my babies (so far).

9. This body allows me to travel around the world; to see beautiful places and people.

10. This body is there for me even when I’m not there for it, like I should be. It’s gotten me this far.

Yes, I still want to lose some weight and get healthier, but I am reminded that I need to be proud of this body, because it really is quite amazing.

While no one wants to be chubby (or insert any insecurity you have about your body), could we just take a moment today and appreciate all that our bodies do for us?  Maybe it will make you think differently next time you look in the mirror.

 

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My New Normal

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This is my newest little treasure. His name is Gabriel and I completely adore him. I am so blessed to have a second healthy little boy to call my own. He arrived March 28th and since then we’ve been adjusting to life with two little boys. (Our oldest is three). It really has been an adjustment though, I’m not gonna lie.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t talk about the challenges because I know that there are many more moms out there with much bigger challenges- with more than two young children, or raising children on their own, or dealing with children who are sick. Compared to all of that – I really don’t have anything to complain about (but of course I still do). The things I complain about are small in the big picture I know, almost humorous (after the fact) but at the same time they are my new daily reality I am learning to live with and it’s just that — NEW. And I choose to write about them because I know there must be other parents who can relate and if nothing else can find some comfort in knowing it’s not just them. (I know I do when I read other people’s experiences).

So here is my list of (trivial) complaints/annoyances/sources of frustration that are now a part of my daily reality as a mom of two little boys (3 years and 2 months) – Maybe you can relate and laugh/sympathize along with me.

1. My three-year old never stops talking. Ever. I’m not even exaggerating one little bit. From the moment his eyes open in the morning till the moment they finally close at night it is one CONSTANT stream of words – mostly questions which require a response. (Because he WILL keep asking until you acknowledge him and he WILL get louder and louder if you try to ignore him). Like for example in the last 3 minutes that I have been trying to write this sentence he has asked about 10 questions which I have had to stop and answer. Now he’s been like this for a little while, but I find it more exhausting now since I have a little baby needing my attention constantly as well. (I guess it also doesn’t help that I get an average of 5-6 hours of sleep a night and never in one big, uninterrupted chunk, what’s that like again?!?). I try to tell myself that this is just how he learns and it’s a good thing (it really is, he’s a smart kid) but in the moments when I’m trying to concentrate on something or finish a task or tend to his little brother…It gets to be a little much.

2. Now more than ever, there is very little time in a day where someone is not needing something from me. The baby needs to nurse every 2-3 hours and in between that he needs changed, burped, rocked, put to sleep, or entertained and when he’s finally sleeping (without me needing to bounce his bouncy chair continuously) my oldest needs lunch or a snack or to go poop on the potty or to have his nose wiped or hands washed or needs me to play with him…and of course answer about a million questions. (Okay, I admit “a million” might be exaggerating, but only slightly).

3. 80% of my thinking each day is spent on one or all of these topics: poop and pee (how many times the baby has pooped, does my toddler need to pee/poop, I’ve had to go to the bathroom for over an hour!), eating (I’m hungry, the baby’s hungry, my toddler is hungry), sleep (the baby needs to sleep, how I don’t sleep anymore, how I wish my toddler still took a nap etc.) Which means I only have 20% of my thoughts left to spend on everything else in my life. No wonder I feel scatterbrained most of the time.

4. I can’t do anything without being interrupted. Ever. This includes going to the bathroom, trying to eat a meal and writing a blog post. 😉 (Oh- and multi-tasking is not an option anymore – I have been bouncing Gabe in his bouncy chair, sticking his soother in his mouth every time it falls out and wiping Ezra’s runny nose all while writing this post). So you’ll forgive any grammatical errors/understand if parts of this post don’t even make sense!

5. Going out anywhere is an exhausting ordeal. Trying to get myself looking presentable, both of the boys clean and ready and packing for a number of possible scenarios takes forever and so means even less sleep for me. And even when I wake up very early and have tried to lay things out the night before – we still never leave on time. I know people (obviously without children) say, “I don’t know why they’re always late, they only have two kids – just wake up earlier!” – I am here to tell you, I don’t know how or why, but it STILL doesn’t work.

I read a devotional online today for moms about not comparing yourself to other moms or trying to “live up” to their standards. God created each of us uniquely and with different strengths. I am trying to remember this truth when I feel overwhelmed or guilty because I can’t do “it” (whatever that may be) like so-and-so. I would like to say that I never complain and I am just cherry all the time because I have two adorable children, but it’s just not true. So I just decided to post some “reality” for you today. It is what it is. I do the best I can and that’s what matters.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Just be true to you and it will make whatever you’re dealing with a little big easier.

I think I will stop here for today. First because I think that’s enough complaining for today and secondly because the baby is stirring, my oldest needs his nose wiped and I’m hungry.

So until next time…

Enjoy today, whatever it looks like.

Safari Nzuri

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