Someone who wants to…

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“In the end there doesn’t have to be anyone who understands you…there just has to be someone who wants to.”
– Robert Brault

I came across this quote today on Pintrest and it really hit me. Realizing this small truth could save me hours of being angry, bitter, sad, misunderstood, lonely and a host of other similar emotions.

Sometimes I think we (I’m assuming it’s not just me, if only to make myself feel better about it) have extremely high, often unattainable expectations of our significant other or even other family members. I admit that I do. I’m letting HIM off the hook – officially – in writing! But it’s the truth. I have a wonderful husband who while not perfect of course, does an amazing job of loving me and TRYING to understand me. I admit that it’s not an easy task (to understand me) – most days I don’t even fully understand myself, so how can I expect him to? But I do. I have expected him to “just know.” To know what I want, what I am feeling, what I need – magically – without me saying a thing! How unrealistic when you think about it! He is multi-talented but he’s not a mind-reader. When I truthfully and honestly sit down and think about what I expect – most of the time that is it – I expect him to read my mind. No wonder I end up getting upset when he doesn’t know what to say because he doesn’t know why I’m upset because I won’t say anything because “HE SHOULD KNOW!” It sounds like complete foolishness! I’m setting him up to fail I’ve realized today.

While it’s true that we are from very different backgrounds (we’re about as different as you can get – black and white literally – HAHA, from across oceans, completely different cultures, etc.), the truth is no one – no matter how similar to you or how long they’ve known you or any amount of sensitivity they have – no one is a mind reader. No one will completely and without fault understand you at every moment of every day of your life. It’s just not realistic. So why do we put such crazy expectations on our partners? I think that the desire to be understood at least for women, is strongly connected to how we feel loved. We feel loved when we feel understood. When our partner takes the time to really understand our feelings, thoughts, dreams, fears. And this is not a bad thing to want! Not a bad thing for our hubby’s to aspire to 😉 – but at the same time we (I) need to realize that the real significance lies in him WANTING to understand me. He may not get it right all of the time – in fact he won’t – because he’s human. But the fact that I have someone who WANTS to understand me is what’s special. And that’s where the truth of this quote hit me. I have that! I have someone who does want to know me compeltely (good, bad and ugly) and wants to understand me, tries to understand me. And in the end, that really is what matters. So today instead of being angry or bitter or sad about what “he doesn’t get” I am choosing to be incredibly grateful for a man who loves me unconditionally and who WANTS to understand me and strives to do so every day. ❤

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. kenyamax6
    Jun 19, 2013 @ 11:21:57

    Well said honey. The need to be understood is at the core of the human heart. That is a great reminder.

    Reply

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