I feel like a big blob lately. Partially this is because I have a head cold and can’t breathe or think, but it’s more than just the cold. It could be the heat, living in Dar it’s very hot and humid and it tends to make you feel lethargic, but I think it’s more than just the heat. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve spent the last almost two weeks at home potty training, so my life has been about rushing Ezra to the potty every half an hour and cleaning up accidents. While all of these things alone seem like good explanations and put together they make an even more compelling case for my blob-like feeling, I still can’t help but think there’s got to be more to it than a cold, the heat and potty training.

We have been in a little bit of a transition period, not officially yet, but definitely in our thoughts about what’s next for us. We have been in Tanzania for almost a year and a half now and we have been in the middle of trying to figure out “where do we go from here?” (You see our original term was for a year and then we extended to two years, which we always thought we would). But as we have been thinking about next steps for our family, things have become a little blurry. We’ve been through many options, all good, and while we are becoming more and more certain about what we want to do next, nothing has been confirmed yet, so we are still kind of in limbo. Nothing’s official. Nothing’s for certain. Maybe that’s why I find it difficult to focus and concentrate – because I feel unsettled. I would like to settle down somewhere, anywhere – and feel like we are staying put for a decent amount of time (not forever, just a little longer than a couple years).

All this being said our time in Tanzania has been and continues to be a great experience for us. We have learned so much and we’ve grown together. I think I am just getting “antsy” to know what’s next. I’m like this of course, I like to have a plan, to know what’s going on ahead of time, so it’s not surprising I am feeling this way, nonetheless it’s tiring. I find it both exciting and draining thinking about all of the possibilities in front of us. Exciting because there are many and they are good and we have several doors open, but draining because, well, I just want to KNOW already! As the days go by I feel like I go through about a thousand (slight exaggeration) different scenarios but don’t know which one will become reality. I suppose this is all part of the journey. So I will continue pushing forward. And I’m sure I will feel much less blobby? blob-ish? blob-like – when I have significantly less snot in my head blocking my thinking capabilities. 
It’s days like this when I have to go back to one of my favorite Bible verses and remind myself, even though I’ve heard it a million times…

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

When I remember these words and this promise, I remember that it’s not up to me to figure it all out, God already has it figured out, I just need to trust Him and learn to be OK with the waiting part. I’m a work in progress, but aren’t we all?


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  1. Trackback: The original Blob 1958 - Flynns Movies and Sports Reviews

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