Battle to lose the pounds

I am currently sitting here in my office, eating a rice cake. It tastes like Styrofoam, but it’s only 30 calories and it’s getting me through my apparent need to be shoving something in my mouth at this moment.

Weight loss is HARD. I have never been one of those naturally thin people who can eat whatever she wants and not have to worry. I have to worry. I have to watch EVERYTHING that I put into my mouth, because if I’m not paying attention I will put on weight. I’ve tried to lose weight several times in my adult life. I’ve tried different diets, I’ve tried cutting out food groups, like carbs. And I’ve had some success, but inevitably the weight creeps back on as soon as I stop paying close attention. It’s the one thing I’m always dealing with in my life. It’s annoying and I honestly wish I didn’t have to work so hard to be at a healthy weight, but I’m trying something new…I’m trying to accept who I am, embrace it and find what works for me.

Ultimately I want to be happy. Regardless of the number staring back up at me from the scale, I want to be happy. I want to enjoy my life, I don’t want my life to be all about restrictions and what I CAN’T do or CAN’T eat. I want it to be about what I CAN do, what I CAN control, and what I CAN eat. This is the journey I’m on.

Honestly it’s been a bit of a roller coaster ride. I have good days and bad, good months and bad…you get the idea. But I’m trying hard to make small changes slowly, that will eventually add up to a changed lifestyle. Over the last almost one year, I’ve been conscious of this and working towards it. I’ve had many slip ups for sure, and have currently plateaued in my weight loss which is frustrating, but I’m trying to see how far I’ve come and be thankful for where I am. To date I have lost 35lbs. Not a crazy-high number, but a number I’m proud of nonetheless. It’s better than nothing, than not trying at all. I’m about half way to the weight loss goal I had set for myself almost a year ago. I really thought I would have achieved it by now, or at least been a lot closer. But I’ve realized that you can’t rush weight loss, especially if you want it to stay off. Although I haven’t lost any more weight recently I have managed to keep what I did lose off. I am trying to get back on track. I have been slacking when it comes to workouts and even my eating habits. I have started my food diary again, recording EVERYTHING I eat and drink which I find really helps me and keeps me more accountable. And I am slowly trying to get back to exercising every day. I’m a work in progress! But every day I try is a win.

I think weight loss is so much more of a mental thing than a physical thing. My battle is definitely mental, all in my head. My attitude and perspective are deciding factors when it comes to whether I binge and eat ten cookies or I choose to have a piece of fruit. So I’m making baby steps. Trying to take things day by day, small changes that over time I know will help me lose weight, but also change my perspective and ultimately my lifestyle as a whole.

Any of you who are on a similar journey or have even been — I’m sure you can relate. Please share your successes AND your failures – it helps to hear other people’s stories.

Just another one of those areas where I’m trying to become the BEST I can be.

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